Scatter the ruins of my life in the sea,
For as long as I know, I have stood by the shore.

My tears added to its salinity,
My thoughts have evoked those waves to release.

Those billows know me, they have touched my feet,
They know where to go, They know what I seek.

Scatter the ruins of my life in the sea,
It will sink and I shall be liberated.

Having spent my time being afloat all along,
Crusted, forgotten and glistening with sand.

I long to be anchored, now I long to be found,
By the salt of the ocean, by the depth against the ground.

Scatter the ruins of my life in the sea,
Weight and depth will finally embrace.

It may swell the horizon with misty blue,
As the fervor of my ruins kisses the cold hue.

Oh! How I wish to be weightless,
Like forgiveness rendered, like forgiveness redeemed.

When we hurried to bury the flames of our desires,
A few sparks were left un-doused…
They bloomed into roses,
This frigid city has since been high on raging colors and fragrance.

In this city of feelings, we have all become writers with no one left to read.
I have memorized word by word each story I wrote.
I read it to myself in times when I can’t feel.

In the wake of silence just close your eyes to clearly hear how far and deep the melody of your life stretches. And when you can find the whispers, the laughter, the sobs, the cry from the past and perhaps the trumpets of future, Recognize you only have the present.

Let the candle inside of you burn leaving behind a soft fragrance on one end of an awaiting wick. But the light that glows… That is only for today.

It is a matter of time before you, who is a mass assembled to function as a unit will disperse into an expanding universe. Before then, why not save ourselves from dispersing? Why not pull ALL that is…

In the wake of silence, know that when the moment will come, silence will be eternal.

How far did I come…? Sometimes I ask myself, Why?

Leaving you along with some very cherished days, I decided to go out alone into the lanes of unknown destinations. I saw land and water together merging to form a faint canvas of your creation. Countries, oceans just went by without showing any boundaries. There are no boundaries… Everything faints to become dimensionless like faith when you elevate.

I waited too long to see someone I recognize, or someone who recognizes me, leaving behind all those who were mine. Irony, isn’t it?

Life gets simpler when you are ready to explore it.  The world becomes smaller when you are ready to travel it. Except loneliness everything is easy to get by, until one learns to find a lasting company within yourself.

I remember trying to grab at possible limits of alertness, had put up a face of confidence, but feeling quite nervous inside. Figuring my way to the farthest gate for boarding all alone at the London airport. Walking and talking by myself and an aura of your faith surrounding me.

New faces, new places… how much it triggers my past to come shadow my mind. When I see up above, I see the same sky… It fills my heart with sweet contentment that it’s the same sky that stretches over my home too. Sun makes me wonder what time it must be at home… Moon makes me miss my bed, my room.

This world is indeed a colorful place. I have seen people of many colors now. Talking in different languages, still same old human emotions flows underneath. I feel an impulse to understand it all and a repulse to go back home.

It’s a new phase… Being a home maker now makes me realize what it takes to transform into a woman from a girl.  Yet the child within cries to go back into the everlasting sweet fragrant past, where things were random, words were confused, dreams were many, yet life was at its best…

• Journal entry from 2008