How far did I come…? Sometimes I ask myself, Why?
Leaving you along with some very cherished days, I decided to go out alone into the lanes of unknown destinations. I saw land and water together merging to form a faint canvas of your creation. Countries, oceans just went by without showing any boundaries. There are no boundaries… Everything faints to become dimensionless like faith when you elevate.
I waited too long to see someone I recognize, or someone who recognizes me, leaving behind all those who were mine. Irony, isn’t it?
Life gets simpler when you are ready to explore it. The world becomes smaller when you are ready to travel it. Except loneliness everything is easy to get by, until one learns to find a lasting company within yourself.
I remember trying to grab at possible limits of alertness, had put up a face of confidence, but feeling quite nervous inside. Figuring my way to the farthest gate for boarding all alone at the London airport. Walking and talking by myself and an aura of your faith surrounding me.
New faces, new places… how much it triggers my past to come shadow my mind. When I see up above, I see the same sky… It fills my heart with sweet contentment that it’s the same sky that stretches over my home too. Sun makes me wonder what time it must be at home… Moon makes me miss my bed, my room.
This world is indeed a colorful place. I have seen people of many colors now. Talking in different languages, still same old human emotions flows underneath. I feel an impulse to understand it all and a repulse to go back home.
It’s a new phase… Being a home maker now makes me realize what it takes to transform into a woman from a girl. Yet the child within cries to go back into the everlasting sweet fragrant past, where things were random, words were confused, dreams were many, yet life was at its best…
- Journal entry from 2008